At least not anyone worth caring about. Sometimes, it is just that those you want to love you are unable to show love the way you want them to. If you are interested in someone who is not interested in you, it may be that you need to let go of that person because they are just not interested. It may not be you at all. In fact, it is probably the other person who has the issue, not you. Let go of those who do not want to be around you because it is not worth chasing people to try to make them like you or love you.
You cannot make someone have feelings for you that they do not have. The main thing that you need to know is that you have to love yourself. If you do not love yourself, how do you expect anyone else to love you? That is like a salesperson who is trying to sell something they do not believe in. If you do not believe in you, how do you expect anyone else to believe in you? No matter what your faults are, and we all have them, other people have faults too. Many people have more faults than you do, and others have less, but it does not matter.
Nobody is perfect , and you need to accept that. You cannot expect to be perfect, and even if you were, that would not make those people who don't love you change their minds and love you. It is not something you can change.
You just have to accept it and move on. Whether you have depression, low self-esteem, social anxiety disorder, or you just feel like nobody loves you, it is important for you to reach out and talk to someone. If you do not feel like you have someone you can talk to; you can contact a professional who is experienced in these kinds of issues.
At BetterHelp. This voice will eventually fade into the background. Most people feel like an outcast on some level. Challenging this precise feeling is what will lead you to get what you want in life. It will allow you to shed layers that keep you from feeling yourself. Your real self will become stronger, more vibrant, better known, understood and accessible to the world around you. If you or someone you know is in crisis or in need of immediate help, call TALK This is a free hotline available 24 hours a day to anyone in emotional distress or suicidal crisis.
I am the only one who pays any attention to me. I have a new friend now, thin as air, I named her Radzi, who sits across the table from me and listens to me. What healthy, supportive and positive thing to do. Did one ever start? There are many more like me out there going through the same debilitating situation the seems to keep feeding my own worst enemy.
I wish I could run into someone with the same problem and ask questions about it.. No one gets me except my husband and kids. I feel this way. I go through life feeling like everyone hates me and I am just a big loser.
I feel raw and ashamed. Many years of therapy but not fixed. I have the same issue. I have been told no one likes me over and over again all my life. Now my inner voice is just affirming what I already know. I m ugly, useless and stupid. No one wants to me around a loser. Other then to feel sorry for me. Sarah, I see where you are coming from. For example, if I have always though I am worthless and stupid and nobody likes to talk to me… then in social situation, those thoughts are suffocating my ability to have a positive interaction.
I agree With you Sarah. What is it about these so called experts who report its all in the imagination. Although it may appear to be that way , please try to think of any time you may have made a positive impact on someone whether they appreciated it or not. May God wrap His loving arms around each of you! Why are you sad Misster? But the one thing I know is that no one is bad. Maybe others say that due to ONE particular aspect of yours which you find normal or unique, but is actually quite irritating or immoral.
Think about it! I thought this was my unique experience. Reading this today helped me get thru a very tough day; I hope you left here feeling better as well. Why nobody likes me? Why am I not clever as other people? Why am I not pretty? I mean like a very close friends.
Why I am too timid or scared to talk with other people. And why I think that everyone hate me because of my flaws. Yeah, right? I laugh at my own jokes, I appreciate my advices, I have good time listening to my stories, I sometimes impress myself with witty ideas. I find my presence refreshing. But nobody likes me. Unless all that obvious exclusion and unwilingness to speak to me is just an act of covert love, in that case, excuse me for being so silly to think otherwise.
But the thing about it for me is, I have no idea what I do wrong. I have no idea what could I do more. I know people that are more rude than me, less rude than me, funnier than me, less funny, smarter, dummer, more interesting, more boring, more altruistic, more selfish, less shy, more shy, more narcisistic, more modest and all of them have more friends at any time then I had in my whole life.
Now I feel like the only thing that I miss to find peace is to know why. Lucie, I could have written this myself. I agree whole heartedly. I could have wrote this with only one exception. Even my family, who I give everything to, seems to not like me.
No friend or family calls me. No one checks on me. I call them. I ask to see them. It has been this way since I was tiny. I put my energy into my kids. I feel hurt but smile. Why was it wrong when I said and did that?
My world is shrinking as my children age and want less and less to do with me. I totally relate to your post. No one ever reaches out to me. What am I doing that makes me so irrelevant to others and how can I change it? I am open to any tips or suggestions. I am psychologist with a faith.. I have two kids, one is a socialite, the other a wall flower. I am a wallflower. There are some of us that have another purpose than to be popular..
Thank you for this comment. You have stated my life perfectly. Yet, it seems anything I say or do is taken as offensive or weird, and no one can stand to be around me. Maian, you have very articulately stated exactly how I feel, myself. This morning, I told a lady that I had been trying to get a taxi for 5 minutes before she arrived right next to me.
What the heck is wrong with me? I hate that! I read an article that says if you look at ppl coming towards you in the eye they will move, it seemed to work. I also hate when ppl are constantly surprised by my presence. Sorry ….
Lucie, thank you for saying all of that. My parents instilled in me early that no one likes me, but I also experienced that in reality. They were absolutely right, no one liked me.
I also experienced a trauma that completely altered my perception of people and reality. I recently discovered a solution to my no-one-likes-me problem. At first I felt the same way I always felt: why am I even trying? What am I even looking for?
No one will like me anyway, why waste my time? And there were a ton of busts before I noticed any success. I tried several groups before I found one I liked. They found me funny and witty and interesting, and we all did things together. When I fell behind in the group, they noticed immediately and made an effort to help me feel included.
As for local forums that involve one-on-one conversations, I met my significant other in my quest for friendship, along with so many other people who share my interests and value spending time with me. And yes, I still struggle with the inner demon mentioned in this article. Are they just pandering me because they pity me? No one has ever willingly tolerated my presence in my whole life—certainly love and friendship are lofty goals for someone like me.
Lucie, I really hope this helps a little. Wow…thank everyone. This nobody likes me thing and the sharing gives some insight. I experienced this at a very young age and still exposed to this negative behavior. Growing up some of my black friends told me I wasnt black enough, do they excluded me. Some of my white friends excluded me because they knew my parents were black. It has been a journey and I am thankful for it because it cultivated some great character traits.
Maybe the people that attract many other people, attract the shallow people, and maybe it is hard for us to find many solid, close people, because we are deep, we value true friendship, respect thoughts, and feelings, of others including our own. That my friends does not make us any less worthy then they are. Is it hard, yes, because we can easily take it to heart in an instant. That and being deep means we crave, intimate and meaningful relationships. Rare gems that are scattered about rarely can be found in big groups, unless gather and collected by a jeweler to make a masterpiece.
Does that make sense? I am not saying we are more important, just a special and unique different just as needed as quartz, but not quartz.
Just my thoughts. I should remember these next time my inner critic tries a on me. This is me. My husband used to say I should kill myself. Love it, you speak truth. Just remember we are brought up by traumatised people and hang around them. Making a way out of the destruction of our environment can mean we have to find a way out of being surrounded by destructive people. Now that bit is hard!! I imagine that you have been hurt deeply as I have.
I will invite someone to go to coffee and take their contact details and then am ghosted. I spent a whole day with a guy from high school recently. Forty years later. He spent the entire time talking about himself.
I stayed because I wanted to see if he ever would run out of himself. Yet he is constantly invited to things evidenced by FB photos and I sit home uninvited. Just to be a fly on a wall to see how other people become accepted would be worth all I have. I get suicidal sometimes from loneliness though I work and volunteer.
It has been this way my whole life. I find myself interesting, am traveled and educated, not harsh to the eye and am witty and have to laugh alone. Something in us simply fails to emanate this invisible glue that makes other humans bond. Maybe we have weird pheromones or something?
I bet if you were that fly on the wall, you would see people doing exactly the same as you, but with very different results.
Anyone who has not had our experience will try to find some reason that the problem is something in our behaviour. I cried reading all these stories. I have been told all my life, no one likes me. Even my family has told me none of the family likes me. I always questioned why? What have I done that is so bad that no one likes me? I know I can be a bitch at times, but I think that comes from feeling lonely or left out. I feel so alone, and alienated, and left out.
But he is liked and people just fall all over him. That is how it has been all my life. I am never invited to do anything, no one ever calls me, includes me in anything ever. I have even had women to pretend to be a friend to me, so they can get close to my husband.
One lady I worked for is waiting right now for me to die, so she can set her best friend up with my husband when I die. That hurts. Because for years I thought this lady was my friend, but all along she was just after my husband for her best friend.
I know this sounds crazy, but it happened and is true. And many other things in my life. But for sure none of this is in my head like people want me to believe. I know what I feel, and I for sure know how I am being treated by others. Any way. It is what it is. But it is good to know, there are people out there, that feel like I do. Wow, I can relate so much. I was bullied at school and as an adult i gained some self confidence though i have been damaged so much so that i attract all the nasty people where at some point there true colors comes out and again i am left all alone.
What a horrible circle! Just wanna say stay strong guys and gals, i am working on this and so could you. I am chucking that inner voice out the door…. I feel we are one in the same! I too was incessantly picked on by my peers in school. They all but tortured me! Both boys and girls. Middle school is the Devil! The stain it left on my confidence has made me hate people.
I will shut down and retreat back to my comfortable hermit ways. Even in high school I would have only friends at a time. Honestly, it was always only one friend and the second person was also their friend.
I am 32 years old and married with an 8 year old. I have zero friends that actually make time for me but they make time for their other friends.
There was always someone they liked more than me even if that person sucked at being their friend and I was literally the best person I could possible be to them.
They are super judgmental people so I never feel I can be myself around them. My mother in law is the most judgmental of them all. They give each other looks across the room when one of them is talking to me. I notice every single time it happens. The only thing that really bothers me is the fact that they are being fake around me bc that makes me feel and act more awkwardly. So Idk. All my sister in laws will go and hang out with each other but never make a point to invite me.
They all go to concerts and bars together but for some reason they never think to ask if I would like to join. It hurts deeper now than it did then. Buuuut same time, I also care less now than I did then too.. Over them. Over low self esteem. Over judgmental people. I feel guilty for existing and my last close friends are moving on and I get less important as time is passing by. I relate to this a lot. It came to the point that I once tried going along with this attitude, feeling bad at the same time for doing so.
Still, no luck. They actually hardly talk to me at all. I hide in the library, pretending to study, but I just sleep there or cry. I will be your friend your real friend the other people that act like that are fake. You will find the right friends I know you will. We are the wall flowers!! But instead my soul got sent here by mistake. Is that where I belong?
Too much effort. I could have written that myself. This is a perfect description of my life. Everyone I meet dislikes me eventually. I can relate to this! I know I am smart and clever, and a good sense of humour. I make friends but eventually as they get to know my vulnerabilities they lose interest, or start judging. Oh Lucie, I really sympathise. I always feel like my friends are only using me I make cakes and do them freebies.
The thing is I had to shout loud in my house as my Dad and my brothers were overbearing and I was quiet and shy, I went red if anyone spoke to me and got bullied at school. It could have stemmed from not wanting to be a victim, but not really knowing how to handle it.
I am bad at getting my point across so maybe they see me as patronising and pushy and overbearing in some conversations?? I am now trying to sort myself out and bite my tongue and stop being so defensive. Could you be overbearing? I have gone through this. My own mother told me, I should have died, instead of my sister. She died of cancer,when I got cancer. Developmental attachment trauma.. CBT is lame in that it still leaves the fear process active. Healing takes time and expertise.
But I feel like my inner voice agrees with most people. My ex was one of the most understanding people, but she left me over my problems. Most people have more going for them. Hi John, I have no clue who are you or where do you come from or what qualities you have… But I am sure of one thing…That you want to change… First of all,the way you list of your shortcomings try and list out your qualities like you have a good sense of humor or whatever.. Stop undervaluing yourself..
Agreed that your ex left you because of some problems but she came close to you because of your qualities…Understand this. Your age,job status are all circumstances in your life. Having a great job will not make you a happy person. If you are lonely without money,trust me you will be lonely with money…But loneliness is just a state of mind..
You can be lonely in a room full of people and you can be happy alone as well. I hope it helps. You are one of a kind. God created you , for a great purpose. We are all connected. Get out of the hole you Are in and go live your life. You are loved. I read this kind of stuff over and over again but knowing it does not make the thoughts change. Trying to change the thoughts just does not work because deep inside you know you are just going through the motions.
Life shows you the reality. When you are rejected by your family even your own kids all based on false accusations how can you ever change how you feel. Feeling unloved and rejected is very real in my life and I have the proof, how can you ever change that with just words. I am ugly no one likes me. Im just a big fat ugly person, my friend told me to ask someone out, but I got rejected, because Im ugly. I loved reading this! Nothing is for sure.
It is what it is right now. I will have compassion for myself. Guys please help me.. Now a days I do lot of overthinking.. And all will be negative only. I have some insecure feelings also.. Pls advise how to come out of this. Dear Ashima, We encourage you to get support, whether through a group, a counselor or therapist.
When you ask yourself who loves you, do you count yourself? In other words…how do you feel about yourself? Do you like yourself?
Liking yourself means enjoying your own company, feeling content in solitude, and even being able to eat in restaurants and go to movies alone.
How much time do you spend alone with yourself? Can you go for a walk by yourself, just thinking and letting your imagination carry you along? To me, love is listening and talking honestly about stuff that matters. God, the meaning of life, contemplative prayer, silence, and experiencing the presence of the Holy Spirit. I give and receive love by thinking and talking deeply about our hearts, spirits, and souls.
Thus, I feel like no one loves me when I have nobody to talk to about this deep ooshy gooshy stuff. How about you?
The fact that you believe that no one loves you, regardless of the degree of veracity of sensation, should never imply that you also stop loving yourself. Your self-image and the relationships you establish with other people are clearly differentiated aspects. For this reason, it is vital to never mix them. All people can go through moments in which their relationship situation is complex or delicate. However, you remain the same person, with the same virtues and qualities, regardless of the affection you receive from others.
The abstract and global sensations are characterized by not forming a specific thought, but a more generalized impression. This fact implies that the feeling that"no one loves me"can be formed through different thoughts that relate to each other. Also, in the sensations it is usually connoted a high emotional component that feeds it. That is, a concrete thought generates an emotion, which motivates the appearance of more thoughts of that type.
In this way, the sensations are characterized by being able to be formed by analysis inaccurate and poorly contrasted. For this reason, it is important to analyze the veracity of the feeling that"no one loves me", since often this can be much more extreme than it really is. Analyzing which people are the ones that do not really love you and which people can get out of that condition is a basic process to overcome these kinds of situations.
The fact that certain people from whom you would like to receive a greater effect do not love you as you desire should be analyzed from an external point of view, in which the subject and therefore the culprit should not be himself.
In the same vein as the previous point, it is very useful to analyze and examine the quality of personal relationships you have. In doing so, you will probably realize that you are important to certain people and that there are people who love you. Performing this process helps to externalize relational problems and not turn them into a problem of personal identity. See what people love you and what not, allows you to specify the current situation in which you are. Likewise, it is useful when examining the specific needs that one has.
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